Booze-Infused Jerky Crate

Description

Story

Cowcaholics A-nom-nom-nonymous

Alcohol affects people differently: some become more talkative, some funnier, and some friskier, but when it comes to cows, alcohol just makes them more delicious…and maybe also friskier.

Were not sure how theyre getting their buzz onperhaps theyre grazing on fermented veggies or maybe their hooves have evolved to open bottlesbut we do know Cowcaholism on the range is as widespread as it is utterly hilarious.

If you thought cow-tipping was funny, imagine cow-tipsying, where a one-ton, hot mess of a cow topples over of its own drunken accord. The fall of such docile beasts have given rise to our stampede of inebriated beef, the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate.

A cow walks into a bar…

By weight, the average-sized cow can down 57 standard drinks per hour (almost 1 per minute) and still be within the legal limits of operating a vehicle or motorized tractor.

At maximum capacity, the average cows four stomachs can hold upwards of 62 gallons of liquid, more than a barrel of Jack Daniels (53 gallons). If only that were enough alcohol to satiate their demons.

The good news is, this means the tender beef of the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate has been marinating in a saloons worth of alcohol (from the inside-out) for the better half of a bovine lifetime. The results, delicious, buzzed beef jerky.

Go home beef jerky, youre drunk.

We didnt just cure the easy-capture, beer-bellied beef bodies, weve herded up cows with diversified tastes from Whiskey Straight to Rum or a wide spectrum of alcohol flavors for your jerky fix.

The full lineup of cattle intoxication includes: Whiskey Sausage, California Wine, Chipotle Tequila, and Caribbean Rum to act as a quick brunch/hangover cure.

Throwdown a double-shot of beef and booze in one bite with the Booze-Infused Jerky Crate.